Because of Fear

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A great coach at my gym shared this article with us all and I think it’s incredibly poignant, important, and just too good not to share:

“We have allowed fear to rule our lives and overcome our good (not common) sense. What am I talking about? Because of fear, monkey bars are disappearing across the world. Because of fear, schools are banning the use of balls during recess…Basically, because of fear, we watch life pass us by. We become a spectator. We have become so afraid, so “safety conscious”, that we constantly find ways and excuses not to move and engage in life. We actually use our creativity in the wrong direction.

As a result, we quit moving. We quit exploring. We quit living. Instead, we sit. We dream of moving. Or we simply hide and watch other people move. And we age. We get stiff. We get brittle. We become fragile. All the things we were never created for, we move towards. Eventually, we lose our strength, our mobility, and our freedom. And then, we become more afraid…

I don’t know about you, but I want to be free. I don’t want to be afraid to fall when I am 60 years old. When I am 80, I still want to be able to climb trees and hike up mountains. I want to be able to explore and create when I am a seasoned man. I want to live. I don’t want to exist.

Don’t you want that, too?”

You were made for amazing things. Don’t be afraid to fall.

On Wanting

There’s something about witnessing new life come into this world that really puts your thoughts into perspective. Mainly: WHAT on EARTH am I doing with myself? Is this all there is? Is this NOT all there is? Does it get better or is it just varying degrees of sameness? Or could it, heaven forbid, get worse? Does it even matter, really?

Is it really worth thinking about?

I think that last question is the one I’m choosing to focus on. Is it really worth thinking about? The headaches, the over thinking, the emotions of it all. I’m exhausted. Physically and emotionally. And while I think the answer is “No, it isn’t worth thinking about” it’s helped me arrive to something I can identity that I think is worth thinking about. 

All I want is settle into a life with someone I find great joy in, have a job that I find meaning in, and have the flexibility to travel and get outdoors whenever possible. 

I think that will be more than enough.

Thoughts on a Monday

I had intended to write an incredibly thoughtful piece this morning but I’m feeling…things. Everything. Nothing. Sadness, mostly. And I came across the lovely Meg’s post which seems to take everything I’m feeling and has eloquently strung the words together in a way that my jumbled, saddened mind has not been able to handle. So, here it is:

I’m feeling a little bit sad this morning.

But in that way that is mostly sweet.

Like I’m just about to turn a corner and my body already knows and it’s scary and good but ripe with loss.

Because once that corner is turned, it cannot be unturned.

Like I’m shuffling towards something really important, but don’t yet know what it is.

And I don’t yet know if it’ll be enough.

And that makes me a little sad.

But good sad.

Because I think it might be.

And so I lick my lips and taste my own sadness and give thanks for its peculiar flavor.

Home.

Colors

I’ve moved into a new home, in this city that saw me grow up. This town has seen me be child, moody adolescent, young adult, in love, heartbroken.

This city has transformed alongside me. My neighborhood is a place I didn’t ever spend much time growing up, because there wasn’t a reason to. Now there’s great restaurants, art galleries, a coffee shop, a neighbor giving away free plants to start your own garden. My friends are different as are my interests. Overall I’m completely different, though I feel the same.

Change is a funny thing. It sometimes goes so slowly you barely notice it at all until one day you say and feel things you’d never thought before.

I’ve been noticing this change coming for a long time – like a slow burn. I knew it was there and I had to struggle through a lot of unhappiness and weird emotional states and altogether a rather unpleasant personality (sorry, loved ones) but I’m finally rounding that corner. I feel happy again. And I haven’t been able to say that for quite some time.

This stage of my life has been odd and I think this new move to a brightly colored one bedroom is a sweet goodbye to that piece of my journey.

Although I’m still searching for my meaning of home, and searching for where that really is for me, I’m happy. Not where I thought I would be. But where I am.