I’ve moved into a new home, in this city that saw me grow up. This town has seen me be child, moody adolescent, young adult, in love, heartbroken.
This city has transformed alongside me. My neighborhood is a place I didn’t ever spend much time growing up, because there wasn’t a reason to. Now there’s great restaurants, art galleries, a coffee shop, a neighbor giving away free plants to start your own garden. My friends are different as are my interests. Overall I’m completely different, though I feel the same.
Change is a funny thing. It sometimes goes so slowly you barely notice it at all until one day you say and feel things you’d never thought before.
I’ve been noticing this change coming for a long time – like a slow burn. I knew it was there and I had to struggle through a lot of unhappiness and weird emotional states and altogether a rather unpleasant personality (sorry, loved ones) but I’m finally rounding that corner. I feel happy again. And I haven’t been able to say that for quite some time.
This stage of my life has been odd and I think this new move to a brightly colored one bedroom is a sweet goodbye to that piece of my journey.
Although I’m still searching for my meaning of home, and searching for where that really is for me, I’m happy. Not where I thought I would be. But where I am.
“I’ll give you one more time
We’ll give you one more fight
Said one more line
Be a riot, cause I know you.”
“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.”
“I am learning every day to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me.” | Tracee Ellis Ross
“Someday you’re gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You’ll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing.” | Elizabeth Gilbert
Something that’s been on my mind a lot recently is the idea of change – the idea of progression in a life. The ways in which our experiences shape the person we were, the person we are, the person we’re becoming. I’m trying to be very conscious of that as it happens now, at this particular moment in my life. Trying to make note of it and fully experience the changes as they occur. I can see the shapes starting to take place and am looking forward to seeing where I settle.
There’s this quote I saw floating around the internet somewhere: “We lose ourselves in the things we love. We find ourselves there, too.” I’m starting to both lose and find myself in that very space and I’m excited to see what happens.
Have a happy weekend.
I haven’t felt much like sharing recently – a lot of the stuff I’m feeling is a little too fresh, much too much “in the moment” for me to write clearly or objectively about anything. So, while I process all of that, enjoy this cover by ASTR. It’s pretty fantastic.
Absolutely everything about this Kylie song.
I think I need to watch this movie again. One of my favorite moments/quotes from this movie has been ringing oh-so very true recently: Even being alone, it’s better than sitting next to your lover and feeling lonely.